Substitute for love
by MorgauseNokami
Summary: The sequel to Walking In The Rain. Pan/Juunanagou. || It was him! That guy from all those years ago who she’d been talking to, that day in the rain.


Pan sighed and leaned against the wall on the outside of the club. As usual Bra and Marron had tried to get her to get her into coming with them to this club, but to their – and her own – surprise she had agreed. Probably because she had broken up with Jesse just this week. Not that she cared much – sure, she'd cared about Jesse, he was cute and nice and was obviously in love with her. But she didn't love him back.

She sighed again.

Would she ever be able to love and be loved back? Since she knew what love was, she had loved Trunks, and she had never _ever_ felt this way about someone else. 

Noone else was like him, noone came even close. Not only did they have so much in common – their background, everything they had been through together, the fun they had and the fighting; but he was also utterly handsome, wellbuilt… 

she could go on like hours over this, but it didn't change anything. Fact was, it was useless to date anyone else because it didn't change her feelings about Trunks nor did she develop any other feelings for them than care and attraction. Why would she even bother getting involved with someone if she would break up with him eventually?

But sometimes she just wanted, _needed_ comfort, warmth, knowing that at least _someone_ was interested in her.

She narrowed her eyes painfully. 

Why did tonight have to be such a night?

"Miss?" 

She looked up, annoyed. Not again! Why did those airheads keep on trying to conversate with her? Wasn't it obvious she didn't want any attention right now?!

The boy's dark, straight hair hid his face so she couldn't clearly see who he was. He didn't throw a cliché pick-upline at her, though, so she decided to stay for a moment instead of pushing him away and blasting off.

Suddenly he looked right into her eyes and she startled with recognition.

Those eyes! Those pale blue eyes! 

It was him! That guy from all those years ago who she'd been talking to, that day in the rain.

He smiled, the strange half-smile she'd remembered over three years. "You've changed," he said.

She blushed a little. "You haven't."

His expression remained blank. "And I won't."

She narrowed her eyes, but decided not to ask. It was nice to know someone around here – even though it was someone whose name she had never known, but who had given her her first kiss. 

"So why are you out here?" he asked, his pale blue eyes fixed on hers.

She bit her lip. "Just bored with everything and everyone inside." 

He still looked into her eyes. She got the feeling he looked through her eyes inside her head, read her mind, understood her problems. She thought he would ask her about her real reasons, but he held his arm out. "Wanna go for a walk?" he asked, smiling again. 

She considered for a moment and then took his arm, smiling up to him. "Sure, why not?"

The night was warm, a shadow, a memory of the hot day. The air in the park was filled with the scent of roses and woodbine and the full moon shone so brightly she could see everything clearly.

She could feel his arm touch hers sometimes as they walked, accidentally, maybe. She caught herself touching his hand purposedly, and quickly pulled her hand back.

He did not react, as if he had not noticed, but she doubted he had not. For some reason she felt he noticed everything she did, everything she felt, everything she thought. He seemed to look right through her. In normal cases that would have frightened her, but with him she wasn't. He was anonymus, and so was she. 

There was one thing that concerned her though. He didn't have a ki-level. She couldn't sense any ki coming from him, which had never happened before. How could someone not have ki? 

Still, it made the impression of being anonymus greater. He didn't have a name, he didn't have a past, he didn't have ki and he didn't have anything to do with Trunks or whatever came with him.

She felt save and couldn't care less about anything other than walking here in the nightime park with a stranger – _a very cute one, though,_ she couldn't help but think – and being completely content with everything.

"Still thinking about him?"

She almost jumped, startled by the sudden question.

Then she slowly nodded, embarassed. "I… I can't help it," she whispered. "It's too strong. I've dated other guys, but no matter how nice or handsome they were, it didn't work. I can't forget him." 

He smiled a knowing smile at her and for a moment she wondered what his past was like, but she ignored the thought – it would only spoil her moment of peace.

They walked along. Pan inhaled the strong woodbine-scented air deeply. Night-air always smelled differently than day-air. Nightair was cooler, sweeter and gave her some feeling of comfort. 

She looked at him out of the corners of her eyes. He really _was_ handsome, there was no way she could doubt that. And from what she could see, he was very wellbuilt, too. He was slim, but broadshouldered and she could see muscle ripple under his clothes. His silent, calm ways made him even more attractive, but she doubted he knew that. 

He had taken her to the park. Everyone knew what happened when two people went to the park. 

She looked at him again.

Had that been his goal? She doubted it. She'd known a lot overheated, sex-frustrated guys. They acted _really_ different. 

The more interesting question was: Had it been _her_ goal? 

She had known what she might get herself into when she went with him, even though she knew she could fight herself out of anything she didn't want to do.

But would she want to do this?

She had once made a promise her first time would be something special, something to remember. Not just a one-night-stand in a nighttime park.

Hell, what was she thinking? She didn't even know his name!

She doubted that would make any difference to her.

Still, she could not betray him, nor her own principles, this way. She was in love with Trunks. How could she make love to someone when she was thinking about someone else?

But she wanted more than comfort.

_Oh hell, why am I even considering this?!_ she silently shouted at herself, but somehow her mind was not connected to her hand when she took his.

He reacted this time, glanced at her, one eyebrow raised. He didn't say a thing.

That scent. Roses and woodbine. Her promise had not been broken, this was a night she would always remember.

Somehow she found herself kissing him deeply. Her mind began to complain, but her body tuned it out again. No thinking this night.

_Yes, yes, I have to think! Do I even know what I'm doing? I'm making out with a guy whose name I don't even know!! _

**So?** her body returned.

_I can't do this. I can't do this, god damnit! I'm in love with Trunks! I'm in love with someone else!_

She didn't realise she had said that last part out loud until he looked in her eyes again. 

There was no pain to see on his face. Maybe just the faintest hint of lust and, to her surprise, care. 

"I know that. I also know what you want right now." He smiled faintly, his eyes fixed on hers. "I know more than you think." 

She shrugged, then nodded. "I know. But I don't want to know." 

She lowered her eyes, hoping she hadn't hurt his feelings, but he lifted her head with his hand. 

"And _I_ know that." 

She frowned and narrowed her eyes. "Why do you even wanna go through with this? Why do I even bother being here with a guy who is just after sex?"

Now the look in his eyes changed, from bothered to slightly pained. "I know you're still in love with him, but… I care." 

She opened her mouth to say she was sorry, but he put his finger on her lips. "You change me. Something in you touches this one part of me that isn't fully emotionless, makes me act differently, feel differently. I care about you, which is a very rare thing. I don't think I've cared about anyone, except for my sister, for years."

She looked into his pale blue eyes that shimmered in the moonlight, trying to understand what was going on in that strange mind of his. 

"But why do you even bother? I told you, I can't love anybody else, dating would be useless, no matter how much I want it!" 

He closed her mouth with his, making her quiet.

Then he looked up to her again. "I know you do. And I'm careful not to fall in love, if I am even capable of doing so, because I could never ever get too involved with anyone, even you, little warrior. But I also know what you want, what you _need_ right now."

He fell silent again, and she looked at the ground, the stars, the trees; anything not to look in his eyes.

He lifted her head again, his eyes wandering up and down her face, studying it carefully. "Let me be your substitute for love," he whispered before kissing her again.

She gave in when his cool lips met hers.

She woke up with her face in his bare chest, his arms protectively around her waist. He was still sleeping, his face peaceful like an angel's. The sun was just rising, coloring his skin gold, in contrast to his dark hair.

She slowly lifted his arms and crowled out of them and silently began picking up her clothes, inhaling the scent of roses and woodbine, knowing she would never _ever_ forget this night.

She just hoped Marron and Bra had covered for her.


End file.
